dear srila prabhupada, oh glorious master, oh swanlike, oh enemy of krsna wannabe's!
every year we, your disciples, gather together to glorify you in an organized manner by writing a few lines in your praise. accustomed to enjoy the variagatedness of material enjoyment and the ever-flickering workings of the speculative mind, we sometimes run out of inspiration. indeed, one can wonder: how is it possible to write about that same topic of praising the spiritual master year after year after year? theoretically if a person becomes your devotee in his youth and persevers until his old age, he could possibly accomplish to write at least 50 or 60 such offerings within his lifetime. considering that such articles are on that one same topic of prasing the spiritual master, the act itself is a major purification. in other words, one is forced to dive deep into his heart and test how much he truly appreciates your association and how much it is simply a sentiment. If we praise you out of our own false egos, it does not last long, especially when we're not praised for our praise from others. a famous artist once made a series of films, where he shot people for extended periods of time sometimes lasting several hours. in the beginning the subjects were clearly showing signs of what is called the heisenberg principle. the heisenberg principle in film-making means that as soon as someone points a camera on us, we change our behaviour in order to impress the camera. however, after several hours of shooting by the artist, the actors became tired of impressing and started acting naturally as though the camera wasn't there at all in the first place. similarly, by writing on the subject matter of praising the spiritual master and reading such praise in the assembly of like-minded devotees year after year after year, the tendency to impress slowly evaporates and we will be able to express what we truly feel in our relationship with you. to pass this, we will at one point have to face the ugly reality of realizing that we actually have a very little appreciation for you, and to go on writing in praise of you, srila prabhupada at that point although aware that one is a complete fake requires great amounts of humility and persevarence. We have to learn how to tolerate our imperfections and to go on in our service although we know that we’re far from being ideal devotees. but this is the real challenge -to continue in our relationship with you even when things are tough and we are sometimes completely disgusted with ourselves. those who are not strong enough to come in peace with the fact that we’re fallen and full of materialistic motivations and thus make a platform for improvement, those who are not ready to face the varieties of ugly monsters lurking in the depths of our hearts unfortunately give up such writing with the excuse of not feeling anything for you srila prabhupada and falsely pretend to be so-called sincere and an honest person in neglecting you opposed to robot-like vaidhi bhaktas, who although externally follow the instruction of the spiritual master, are internally as polluted as anyone else. little do they know that without following the instruction of the spiritual master, one is inevitably forced to follow the instruction of maya. i am never independent. i am simply an insignificant spark of krsna. when a spark leaves the shelter of fire it must be extinguished. similarly, when one gives up the instruction of the spiritual master, he must be immediately brainwashed by the conditioning of the material nature represented by the three modes of material nature. in such a state, his so-called instruction to us is nothing but an extension of maya's overflooding influence on us and therefore we should avoid such nonsense association in order not to become a victim of such inauspicious influence. rather let us take the bona fide association of you, srila prabhupada, oh enemy of krsna wannabe's and let us force our twisted kali yuga mind to squeeze out some blood from our stone-like heart and glorify you in our own foolish way. again and again i read your books. again and again i read your statements and in this way, because i'm desperate and devoid of any other help you are revealing what to do bit by bit. this can be experienced by everyone and anyone and this is the core of our relationship with you -the utmost reverence and worship of your divine instructions. we might not be ready to fully discharge your instruction and we might also lack proper qualification, but we can always sit down together and meditate on, glorify, discuss, try to understand and thus worship your instructions. ultimately all the instructions you are giving us are helping us to purify our existence and then engage in unalloyed devotional service to the supreme personality sri krsna. we have to make it unalloyed and therefore purification is needed. It’s not going to be easy, but it can be if we so desire. i humbly pray that one day i will come out of this condition of materially motivated robot-like devotion and will be able to give you my full love and praise by which i can praise you in a befitting manner. knowing well that my inability takes nothing of your grandeur, i praise you again and again for my own purification.
your servant purujit dasa